Sunday, April 09, 2006
Danny
One day I received all call from one of my cousins who I had gone to school with. Toya was one of my hanging buddies and she was also petite and cute. I don’t remember the exact content of the conversation, but Toya essentially told me that there was this young man that she wanted me to meet. I don’t know why Toya called me, it had been years since we hung out together, but I agreed to meet this young man and go out on a double date.
I did not get an opportunity to talk with this young man prior to our prearranged date, but he, Toya, and another gentleman showed up at my front door at the appointed time. I was not impressed and it was definitely not a love connection.
It had been agreed that we would go to a Detroit Pistons basketball game. I don’t remember who drove, but I do remember that we had pretty good seats. I thought it was a pretty boring date, but I managed to enjoy myself anyway. I really didn’t find Danny interesting but did think he was kind of cute.
Danny was about six foot four and around two hundred pounds. You could tell he worked out regularly and had a very nice body. He also had a Jeri-curl (a very popular hairstyle in the early nineteen eighties) that reached down to his shoulders. He was also dark-skinned and had a pretty white smile. (I have always been captivated by men with pretty smiles). Even though he didn’t impress me personally, I did find Danny rather attractive.
At the end of the evening, I gave Danny my phone number and told him to call me sometime. He did. We talked on a rather regular basis. As I got to know him, I found that I actually did start to like him. He was intelligent, witty and pretty knowledgeable about current affairs. Something that I found lacking in most of the men I generally talked to. One of the things that I have always enjoyed is gaining new knowledge. (One of the hangovers from my days of reading I guess). Did I mention, Danny was also a drummer for a very popular R&B group in Detroit that was experiencing national attention. But that’s not what attracted me to this man.
Danny didn’t do anything that I nor most of the men I hung out with did. He didn’t smoke cigarettes, he didn’t do drugs, and he didn’t party. So even though he was in the clubs playing nightly, he did not live the nightlife. He was pretty stable in his lifestyle despite the image that he portrayed. He actually had a kind of calming affect on me.
We could talk about almost anything. Danny was the first man in my adult life that related to me about me. We could talk about my hopes, my dreams, and my ambitions. Yes people. I had ambitions. He encouraged me to do what I thought was right. He never gave his opinion unless it was asked and he never tried to make his beliefs, my beliefs. And more importantly, he was a great lover.
With this man, I discovered so much more about myself. Intellectually, sensually, and spiritually. He helped me find a determination in myself that I never knew existed. You see, at the time I had started seeing Danny I was also going through my training to be a telephone installer. Although I had passed the written portion earlier with no problems, I was now faced with many physical challenges. You see I am only four feet eleven inches tall and lucky if I weight a hundred and fifteen pounds. This presented a challenge with how equipment, trucks, and telephone climbing was done. And to make it even more difficult, I am left-handed. I mean how much out of the mainstream could I get. I was the only woman in my training class, which also presented some mental challenges.
I don’t quite remember how many weeks it was that I had to go through training, but I can remember coming home feeling tired and defeated. Even though Danny didn’t live with me, he was at my apartment just about every night. He would come over and we would spend hours making love and talking.
Galatians 5:19
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery (extreme indulgence of one’s appetites, especially for sensual pleasure)
Danny seemed to meet my most basic needs during this time. He appealed to my senses. It was also during this time that I was really discovering how pleasurable having sex was. He was a great teacher.
Again, you must remember that this is still during a time when women were coming into their own. Both in the workplace and in the bedroom. We were being taught by a world that was trying to force us out of what was considered outdated, in our way of viewing ourselves. This was still the epitome of what society was dictating for us to be as women.
Again, I had allowed Satan to come into my life by allowing the world to dictate to me what was acceptable. Ladies, sex outside of marriage is still wrong.
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
I really wanted to use Romans 12:2 here but you I won’t. (Just in case you can’t remember, do not conform to the pattern of this world). In other words, stop trying to do what the world is saying or doing and go after what God has been telling you since the beginning.
Nothing really bad happened from my relationship with Danny. We had a very bohemian type of relationship. Very unconventional. We both came and went as we pleased. I had no problems with him playing in clubs and he had no problems with me going to clubs. Neither of us questioned our faithfulness to each other. So what happened?
Two things. Since I couldn’t take birth control pills and was having sex on a pretty regular basis with a very haphazard approach to birth control, I got pregnant for the second time. This time my conscience was not so accepting of the idea. I told Danny I was pregnant. He basically got me to agree that neither of us was ready to be a parent yet. I agreed. I had my second abortion.
But my attitude towards Danny changed drastically. I was forced to look at him, my expectations, and our life together in a whole new light.I suddenly realized that we didn’t have a relationship. Sure we talked, slept together and had sex. But those are not the true dynamics of a relationship. We only interacted with each other on those three levels.
I realized that even though Danny was staying at my house on most occasions and eating my food, I couldn’t ever remember a time that he brought groceries, cooked, cleaned, or helped to pay any bills. Even as a gesture of paying his own way. Wait a minute. We hadn’t been on a date since the first time we went out. Hold On! He constantly borrowed my car (remember the yellow mustang?), even though he had a brand new corvette that he let his sister use everyday to drive to school. I couldn’t remember riding in it and I know for a fact that I had never driven it. Can you say USER! What was I thinking? Ladies, did this brother have my nose so wide open that I couldn’t see what was right in my front face?
I did not get an opportunity to talk with this young man prior to our prearranged date, but he, Toya, and another gentleman showed up at my front door at the appointed time. I was not impressed and it was definitely not a love connection.
It had been agreed that we would go to a Detroit Pistons basketball game. I don’t remember who drove, but I do remember that we had pretty good seats. I thought it was a pretty boring date, but I managed to enjoy myself anyway. I really didn’t find Danny interesting but did think he was kind of cute.
Danny was about six foot four and around two hundred pounds. You could tell he worked out regularly and had a very nice body. He also had a Jeri-curl (a very popular hairstyle in the early nineteen eighties) that reached down to his shoulders. He was also dark-skinned and had a pretty white smile. (I have always been captivated by men with pretty smiles). Even though he didn’t impress me personally, I did find Danny rather attractive.
At the end of the evening, I gave Danny my phone number and told him to call me sometime. He did. We talked on a rather regular basis. As I got to know him, I found that I actually did start to like him. He was intelligent, witty and pretty knowledgeable about current affairs. Something that I found lacking in most of the men I generally talked to. One of the things that I have always enjoyed is gaining new knowledge. (One of the hangovers from my days of reading I guess). Did I mention, Danny was also a drummer for a very popular R&B group in Detroit that was experiencing national attention. But that’s not what attracted me to this man.
Danny didn’t do anything that I nor most of the men I hung out with did. He didn’t smoke cigarettes, he didn’t do drugs, and he didn’t party. So even though he was in the clubs playing nightly, he did not live the nightlife. He was pretty stable in his lifestyle despite the image that he portrayed. He actually had a kind of calming affect on me.
We could talk about almost anything. Danny was the first man in my adult life that related to me about me. We could talk about my hopes, my dreams, and my ambitions. Yes people. I had ambitions. He encouraged me to do what I thought was right. He never gave his opinion unless it was asked and he never tried to make his beliefs, my beliefs. And more importantly, he was a great lover.
With this man, I discovered so much more about myself. Intellectually, sensually, and spiritually. He helped me find a determination in myself that I never knew existed. You see, at the time I had started seeing Danny I was also going through my training to be a telephone installer. Although I had passed the written portion earlier with no problems, I was now faced with many physical challenges. You see I am only four feet eleven inches tall and lucky if I weight a hundred and fifteen pounds. This presented a challenge with how equipment, trucks, and telephone climbing was done. And to make it even more difficult, I am left-handed. I mean how much out of the mainstream could I get. I was the only woman in my training class, which also presented some mental challenges.
I don’t quite remember how many weeks it was that I had to go through training, but I can remember coming home feeling tired and defeated. Even though Danny didn’t live with me, he was at my apartment just about every night. He would come over and we would spend hours making love and talking.
Galatians 5:19
The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery (extreme indulgence of one’s appetites, especially for sensual pleasure)
Danny seemed to meet my most basic needs during this time. He appealed to my senses. It was also during this time that I was really discovering how pleasurable having sex was. He was a great teacher.
Again, you must remember that this is still during a time when women were coming into their own. Both in the workplace and in the bedroom. We were being taught by a world that was trying to force us out of what was considered outdated, in our way of viewing ourselves. This was still the epitome of what society was dictating for us to be as women.
Again, I had allowed Satan to come into my life by allowing the world to dictate to me what was acceptable. Ladies, sex outside of marriage is still wrong.
Hebrews 13:4
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.
I really wanted to use Romans 12:2 here but you I won’t. (Just in case you can’t remember, do not conform to the pattern of this world). In other words, stop trying to do what the world is saying or doing and go after what God has been telling you since the beginning.
Nothing really bad happened from my relationship with Danny. We had a very bohemian type of relationship. Very unconventional. We both came and went as we pleased. I had no problems with him playing in clubs and he had no problems with me going to clubs. Neither of us questioned our faithfulness to each other. So what happened?
Two things. Since I couldn’t take birth control pills and was having sex on a pretty regular basis with a very haphazard approach to birth control, I got pregnant for the second time. This time my conscience was not so accepting of the idea. I told Danny I was pregnant. He basically got me to agree that neither of us was ready to be a parent yet. I agreed. I had my second abortion.
But my attitude towards Danny changed drastically. I was forced to look at him, my expectations, and our life together in a whole new light.I suddenly realized that we didn’t have a relationship. Sure we talked, slept together and had sex. But those are not the true dynamics of a relationship. We only interacted with each other on those three levels.
I realized that even though Danny was staying at my house on most occasions and eating my food, I couldn’t ever remember a time that he brought groceries, cooked, cleaned, or helped to pay any bills. Even as a gesture of paying his own way. Wait a minute. We hadn’t been on a date since the first time we went out. Hold On! He constantly borrowed my car (remember the yellow mustang?), even though he had a brand new corvette that he let his sister use everyday to drive to school. I couldn’t remember riding in it and I know for a fact that I had never driven it. Can you say USER! What was I thinking? Ladies, did this brother have my nose so wide open that I couldn’t see what was right in my front face?
