Monday, December 26, 2005
The Voice of An Angel
Remember I said God has always had his hand on me? Again, even though he and I both knew I was very wrong in this situation, he delivered me again from the grasp of the wicked one.
It was about this time that I decided I needed to get my life back in order. I went back to school, took the two classes that I needed, and finally graduated. I even started going to church. I was living with my grandmother Madea at this time because of the animosity between my mother and I. I was still hanging out in clubs and getting high. My grandmother, my sister Theresa, and my Aunt Regina had started going to a very popular, very large church in Detroit. No matter what time of morning I got in from the clubs on Sunday morning, Madea would still make me get up and go to church.
The pastor of the church, was young, good looking, and divorced. And the choir, they could really sing. Did you notice I haven’t said much about the word? Now remember, this is my grandmother Madea’s church. The church had a pretty upscale congregation. During the late seventies and early eighties, I also believe that they had one of the largest congregations in the city. Reverend was preaching the prosperity ministry long before it became the popular thing to do.
2 Peter 2;1
But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord.
I would get in from the clubs, shower, and get dressed for church each Sunday. It usually didn’t bother me that I hadn’t been to sleep yet because as I mentioned before, the choir could really sing and that was usually enough to hold my interest for a while. Besides, I would still have enough time to come home and take a nap every Sunday before it was time to hit the clubs.
Now keep in mind I am in my early twenties, looking good, and still very much conceited. My sister Theresa was dating the musical director, who happened to be a married man with five children. He was also fifteen years her senior.
This married man who was dating my young sister, who was only about fifteen or sixteen at the time, was best friends with the choir director, Will. Now Will had to be one of the ugliest men I had ever met. He was very unattractive, especially to me. Now keeping in mind that my sister’s boyfriend and he are best friends, it is inevitable that the two of us would eventually meet.
When my sister Theresa introduced us, I inwardly cringed. I could not believe that anyone could be that unattractive. Then, he asked me out on a date. In my youthful arrogance, I literally laughed in his face and told him that he had to be kidding. I would never be caught dead out on a date with the likes of him. He just smiled, walked away, and said, one day I would.
This weekly ritual of him asking me out and me insulting him, continued for a few more weeks. Then one day, Will who I have already stated was the choir director, sang a solo. The man opened his mouth and out came the voice of an angel. I was mesmerized.
The man I had repeatedly insulted appeared to transform right before my very eyes. Upon hearing him sing, I began to see him in a totally different light. As had been his habit each Sunday for weeks, immediately following church, he asked me out on a date. This time I agreed.
Ezekiel 33;32
Indeed, to them you are nothing more than one who sings love songs with a beautiful voice and plays an instrument well, for they hear your words but do not put them into practice.
Here I am going to church every Sunday, listening to the word and still being carnal. This man who I had constantly shunned because of his looks now had my full attention. I fell head over heals in love with that man. There was nothing that Will couldn’t ask that I wouldn’t do. What was wrong with this picture?
Now here is where this episode takes a twist. What I didn’t know until later in the relationship was that Will could be abusive. I think that because of how he was viewed by women, his external appearance, it brought out other not so nice characteristics. Will was the one and only man who ever hit me. At the time I tried to justify it by saying that I brought it on myself but now I know better.
Will was a womanizer. Unknown to me, he purposely went after attractive woman to prove a point. I contracted my first STD courtesy of Mr. Will. Up until that point, I didn’t realize that he was sleeping around.
You see, I found out that he was seeing another woman. To add insult to injury, and forgive me my Caucasian sisters, she was a white woman. Let me clarify something before I go any further. I am not racist, but because of who I am, a very proud African-American woman, the biggest insult to me as a woman is to be confronted with the fact that my African-American man, has chosen you over me.
Recently, I had lunch with two very good friends and we talked about this incident. Carol, who happens to be white, was taken aback about this particular story. She said she felt that I was being unfair about interracial relationships and that she never would have expected that I would have a problem with any type of relationships no matter what the ethnicity of the couple might be.
I explained that it really didn’t have anything to do with this woman on a personal level. If I felt that Will or any man cared for the woman because of who she was and not what she was, that there is not a problem. Where the problem manifests itself is when you know that the only reason someone is involved with another is because that persons race, then we have a problem.
I went on to further explain that as an African American woman, too often we as women are faced with the stigma that we are considered inferior to our Caucasian counterparts by our own men. Dating or marrying a white woman is still considered the ultimate coo by some African American men even in this day and age.
So even though my reaction along with the reactions of many African-American sisters may seem racist to others, it is not against the women but against a perception that even in this twenty-first century we must still fight against. Carol, I love you like a sister and would gladly welcome you or any other woman, black, white, red, or whatever into my family if it were truly based on love.
When I found out that this man whom I was in love with was seeing another woman, I became enraged and threw a very heavy glass ashtray at him. He then proceeded to slap me around for daring to confront him. Was it over at that point? Not hardly. You see, my self-esteem (or in reality, my self-centeredness) would not allow me to believe that my man would choose a white woman over me. It would take a few of these confrontations for me to see just how deceived I was. I was told all of the stories about how she didn’t mean anything. It was me that he loved. And I believed him.
Psalm 12;2
Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception.
Things between Will and I were fine for a while. Or so I thought. By this time, Will had started singing in clubs. That’s when the problems really started. The same spell that his voice cast over me, was now working it’s magic on so many other women. Also Will had discovered that women liked buying him gifts. I couldn’t compete.
What was later revealed to me was that Will had issues with women who had rejected him. I also believed that he knew the effects that his voice had on women. He find tuned his charm and when used with his sensuous voice, seduced and then took advantage of the women who had previously rejected him.
Now, it could be said that this man was a no good, womanizing dog. At the time that’s how I viewed him. But then God made me check myself. Will was reacting to how women had been treating him. We women saw only his outward appearance and judged him accordingly. It was not until his inner beauty, his voice, was revealed, that we viewed him in a different light.
I met him at a point in his life where he had already been tainted by years of rejection. The true beauty of this man had already been destroyed by our inability as women to accept him for what he was. A beautiful child of God who had been given the voice of an angel.
Romans 8;16
The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
I often look upon children playing and see how accepting they are of one another. A small child sees another child and doesn’t care that he is a different color, that the other child is a boy or girl, or that there may be something physically different. They just see someone else who is their size that they can play with. But there is something else that I have noticed as well. Children in their honesty and with the inability to lie can be very cruel to one another.
Racism, sexism, and social intolerance are all learned behaviors. A child may see something different about another child and ask a parent, older sibling, or another adult about that difference. How we respond will help to shape who our children will become and how they will treat others. Until we learn to teach our children about tolerance and judging one another on the content of ones character and not on their physical appearance, we will continue to create an atmosphere of self-hate, narrow-mindedness, and pre-judging others even before we get to know them. We will continue to hurt one another by the things we say, destroying the spirit of God’s children and creating more children of darkness.
Ephesians 5;8
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light
It was about this time that I decided I needed to get my life back in order. I went back to school, took the two classes that I needed, and finally graduated. I even started going to church. I was living with my grandmother Madea at this time because of the animosity between my mother and I. I was still hanging out in clubs and getting high. My grandmother, my sister Theresa, and my Aunt Regina had started going to a very popular, very large church in Detroit. No matter what time of morning I got in from the clubs on Sunday morning, Madea would still make me get up and go to church.
The pastor of the church, was young, good looking, and divorced. And the choir, they could really sing. Did you notice I haven’t said much about the word? Now remember, this is my grandmother Madea’s church. The church had a pretty upscale congregation. During the late seventies and early eighties, I also believe that they had one of the largest congregations in the city. Reverend was preaching the prosperity ministry long before it became the popular thing to do.
2 Peter 2;1
But there were also false prophets among the people, just as there will be false teachers among you. They will secretly introduce destructive heresies, even denying the sovereign Lord.
I would get in from the clubs, shower, and get dressed for church each Sunday. It usually didn’t bother me that I hadn’t been to sleep yet because as I mentioned before, the choir could really sing and that was usually enough to hold my interest for a while. Besides, I would still have enough time to come home and take a nap every Sunday before it was time to hit the clubs.
Now keep in mind I am in my early twenties, looking good, and still very much conceited. My sister Theresa was dating the musical director, who happened to be a married man with five children. He was also fifteen years her senior.
This married man who was dating my young sister, who was only about fifteen or sixteen at the time, was best friends with the choir director, Will. Now Will had to be one of the ugliest men I had ever met. He was very unattractive, especially to me. Now keeping in mind that my sister’s boyfriend and he are best friends, it is inevitable that the two of us would eventually meet.
When my sister Theresa introduced us, I inwardly cringed. I could not believe that anyone could be that unattractive. Then, he asked me out on a date. In my youthful arrogance, I literally laughed in his face and told him that he had to be kidding. I would never be caught dead out on a date with the likes of him. He just smiled, walked away, and said, one day I would.
This weekly ritual of him asking me out and me insulting him, continued for a few more weeks. Then one day, Will who I have already stated was the choir director, sang a solo. The man opened his mouth and out came the voice of an angel. I was mesmerized.
The man I had repeatedly insulted appeared to transform right before my very eyes. Upon hearing him sing, I began to see him in a totally different light. As had been his habit each Sunday for weeks, immediately following church, he asked me out on a date. This time I agreed.
Ezekiel 33;32
Indeed, to them you are nothing more than one who sings love songs with a beautiful voice and plays an instrument well, for they hear your words but do not put them into practice.
Here I am going to church every Sunday, listening to the word and still being carnal. This man who I had constantly shunned because of his looks now had my full attention. I fell head over heals in love with that man. There was nothing that Will couldn’t ask that I wouldn’t do. What was wrong with this picture?
Now here is where this episode takes a twist. What I didn’t know until later in the relationship was that Will could be abusive. I think that because of how he was viewed by women, his external appearance, it brought out other not so nice characteristics. Will was the one and only man who ever hit me. At the time I tried to justify it by saying that I brought it on myself but now I know better.
Will was a womanizer. Unknown to me, he purposely went after attractive woman to prove a point. I contracted my first STD courtesy of Mr. Will. Up until that point, I didn’t realize that he was sleeping around.
You see, I found out that he was seeing another woman. To add insult to injury, and forgive me my Caucasian sisters, she was a white woman. Let me clarify something before I go any further. I am not racist, but because of who I am, a very proud African-American woman, the biggest insult to me as a woman is to be confronted with the fact that my African-American man, has chosen you over me.
Recently, I had lunch with two very good friends and we talked about this incident. Carol, who happens to be white, was taken aback about this particular story. She said she felt that I was being unfair about interracial relationships and that she never would have expected that I would have a problem with any type of relationships no matter what the ethnicity of the couple might be.
I explained that it really didn’t have anything to do with this woman on a personal level. If I felt that Will or any man cared for the woman because of who she was and not what she was, that there is not a problem. Where the problem manifests itself is when you know that the only reason someone is involved with another is because that persons race, then we have a problem.
I went on to further explain that as an African American woman, too often we as women are faced with the stigma that we are considered inferior to our Caucasian counterparts by our own men. Dating or marrying a white woman is still considered the ultimate coo by some African American men even in this day and age.
So even though my reaction along with the reactions of many African-American sisters may seem racist to others, it is not against the women but against a perception that even in this twenty-first century we must still fight against. Carol, I love you like a sister and would gladly welcome you or any other woman, black, white, red, or whatever into my family if it were truly based on love.
When I found out that this man whom I was in love with was seeing another woman, I became enraged and threw a very heavy glass ashtray at him. He then proceeded to slap me around for daring to confront him. Was it over at that point? Not hardly. You see, my self-esteem (or in reality, my self-centeredness) would not allow me to believe that my man would choose a white woman over me. It would take a few of these confrontations for me to see just how deceived I was. I was told all of the stories about how she didn’t mean anything. It was me that he loved. And I believed him.
Psalm 12;2
Everyone lies to his neighbor; their flattering lips speak with deception.
Things between Will and I were fine for a while. Or so I thought. By this time, Will had started singing in clubs. That’s when the problems really started. The same spell that his voice cast over me, was now working it’s magic on so many other women. Also Will had discovered that women liked buying him gifts. I couldn’t compete.
What was later revealed to me was that Will had issues with women who had rejected him. I also believed that he knew the effects that his voice had on women. He find tuned his charm and when used with his sensuous voice, seduced and then took advantage of the women who had previously rejected him.
Now, it could be said that this man was a no good, womanizing dog. At the time that’s how I viewed him. But then God made me check myself. Will was reacting to how women had been treating him. We women saw only his outward appearance and judged him accordingly. It was not until his inner beauty, his voice, was revealed, that we viewed him in a different light.
I met him at a point in his life where he had already been tainted by years of rejection. The true beauty of this man had already been destroyed by our inability as women to accept him for what he was. A beautiful child of God who had been given the voice of an angel.
Romans 8;16
The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
I often look upon children playing and see how accepting they are of one another. A small child sees another child and doesn’t care that he is a different color, that the other child is a boy or girl, or that there may be something physically different. They just see someone else who is their size that they can play with. But there is something else that I have noticed as well. Children in their honesty and with the inability to lie can be very cruel to one another.
Racism, sexism, and social intolerance are all learned behaviors. A child may see something different about another child and ask a parent, older sibling, or another adult about that difference. How we respond will help to shape who our children will become and how they will treat others. Until we learn to teach our children about tolerance and judging one another on the content of ones character and not on their physical appearance, we will continue to create an atmosphere of self-hate, narrow-mindedness, and pre-judging others even before we get to know them. We will continue to hurt one another by the things we say, destroying the spirit of God’s children and creating more children of darkness.
Ephesians 5;8
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Maggie and Fred
Maggie and Fred had dated all through high school. In their senior year Fred got a scholarship to a college out of state. Maggie who had always been a mediocre student didn’t have any plans for after high school. Just before their graduation, Maggie announced she was pregnant.
Maggie and Fred have now been married for over twenty years. They have two sons, who are now both grown. Fred never did go to college. He has spent the last twenty years working in an auto factory. During the course of their twenty-year marriage, Fred has always had a girlfriend on the side. He has never tried to hide that fact from his wife. Last year after their youngest son graduated from high school, Fred left Maggie. He said he had fulfilled his obligation. Now it was time for him to get his life back. Maggie, who had never worked during the entire twenty years, is now left on her own, with no children, no husband, and no job or job skills. She is over forty years old. Ladies, you can’t make him love you!
What happened with Mark and I? Well about a year and a half into the relationship, I became pregnant. Now remember, Mark is already married and has a little girl. He and his wife are still together and I am just his woman on the side. I was only nineteen years olds and still working in a fast-food restaurant.
During the seventies, free love and promiscuity were the rule and not the exception. Safe sex was an unheard concept and abortions were a convenient solution to a complex problem. I had my first abortion. Something that I would have to deal with; both spiritually and emotionally later in life.
Since I knew that I did not want to become pregnant again, I had began using birth controls pills and I was a cigarette smoker. This would cause my next brush with death. I started having difficulty breathing and dizzy spells. I knew something was wrong, but didn’t know what. One day after having one of these episodes, I found myself in the hospital emergency room. They examined me and said they couldn’t find anything physically wrong with me and sent me home. I had already made an appointment with my personal physician for the next day.
When I got up the next morning, again I found that I couldn’t breathe. I went to my scheduled doctors appointment. The doctor took ex-rays and announced I was to be admitted to the hospital immediately. I had a blood clot in my lung. My dizziness and inability to breathe was being caused by the blood clot moving through my body. I had to be admitted to the hospital in order to dissolve it or I could die from a stroke. I was in the hospital for three weeks. I had lost 30 pounds and a lot of my hair to boot.
After leaving the hospital, I was on blood thinners and anti-clotting drugs for a very long time. I was also no longer allowed to take the pill. I was like a walking skeleton. I wouldn’t see Mark again for another ten or twelve years.
Now many would say that God was punishing me for my sins. That’s not how I look at it. I believe God knew I was in a predicament I was not going to get out of anytime soon. Because of my own foolishness, I found myself in a situation that was far beyond my understanding and control. Also keeping in mind that God did allow me to go through what I did and to suffer what I had to, to bring me out.
You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. Micah 7:19
Maggie and Fred have now been married for over twenty years. They have two sons, who are now both grown. Fred never did go to college. He has spent the last twenty years working in an auto factory. During the course of their twenty-year marriage, Fred has always had a girlfriend on the side. He has never tried to hide that fact from his wife. Last year after their youngest son graduated from high school, Fred left Maggie. He said he had fulfilled his obligation. Now it was time for him to get his life back. Maggie, who had never worked during the entire twenty years, is now left on her own, with no children, no husband, and no job or job skills. She is over forty years old. Ladies, you can’t make him love you!
What happened with Mark and I? Well about a year and a half into the relationship, I became pregnant. Now remember, Mark is already married and has a little girl. He and his wife are still together and I am just his woman on the side. I was only nineteen years olds and still working in a fast-food restaurant.
During the seventies, free love and promiscuity were the rule and not the exception. Safe sex was an unheard concept and abortions were a convenient solution to a complex problem. I had my first abortion. Something that I would have to deal with; both spiritually and emotionally later in life.
Since I knew that I did not want to become pregnant again, I had began using birth controls pills and I was a cigarette smoker. This would cause my next brush with death. I started having difficulty breathing and dizzy spells. I knew something was wrong, but didn’t know what. One day after having one of these episodes, I found myself in the hospital emergency room. They examined me and said they couldn’t find anything physically wrong with me and sent me home. I had already made an appointment with my personal physician for the next day.
When I got up the next morning, again I found that I couldn’t breathe. I went to my scheduled doctors appointment. The doctor took ex-rays and announced I was to be admitted to the hospital immediately. I had a blood clot in my lung. My dizziness and inability to breathe was being caused by the blood clot moving through my body. I had to be admitted to the hospital in order to dissolve it or I could die from a stroke. I was in the hospital for three weeks. I had lost 30 pounds and a lot of my hair to boot.
After leaving the hospital, I was on blood thinners and anti-clotting drugs for a very long time. I was also no longer allowed to take the pill. I was like a walking skeleton. I wouldn’t see Mark again for another ten or twelve years.
Now many would say that God was punishing me for my sins. That’s not how I look at it. I believe God knew I was in a predicament I was not going to get out of anytime soon. Because of my own foolishness, I found myself in a situation that was far beyond my understanding and control. Also keeping in mind that God did allow me to go through what I did and to suffer what I had to, to bring me out.
You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea. Micah 7:19
