Friday, November 25, 2005
Following the year that I did not graduate, I felt very lost for a time. I did not immediately go back to school. I continued to work at a fast food restaurant, hanging out with my friends, and getting high. It was during this time that my relationship with my mother grew continuously worse and I started down a path I would come to regret for years to come. My first affair with a married man.
The man who I became involved with was taboo for two very important reasons. The first reason was I worked for him and the second reason, was his wife Tina and I were friends. Ladies, how many of you have found yourself so lost in your own selfishness that you couldn’t see what you were doing to others around you? Here I am eighteen years old, thinking I know everything, and only caring about what I want.
You see Mark was everything I thought I wanted in a man at that time. He was good looking, sophisticated (at least through my young eyes), financially independent, and most of all, forbidden fruit. It didn’t matter he was married and had a young daughter. I was selfish enough not to care. It didn’t matter that his wife knew about me sleeping with her husband and asked me to stop seeing him. Selfishly, what I wanted was more important than what I did to destroy her family.
An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment.
Proverbs 18:1
I knew what I was doing was very wrong. I didn’t care. I allowed the enemy to take my unhappiness and displeasure with my own life and turn it into a weapon against not only myself but against innocent people around me. I had no sound judgment.
She is what she believes to be, the perfect wife and mother. She caters to his every whim. She does the cooking and cleaning. She takes care of the children, and is there for his physical pleasure. So when she started receiving the phone calls, asking do you know where your husband is? The taunting voice, you thought he was working late last night, didn’t you? When she found her telephone number, She wondered, what did I do wrong? Is there something I didn’t do? Why am I not enough? Why is he in someone else’s arms?
Married ladies, it’s not always about you. We believe that if our husband has to find solace in another woman’s bed, it’s something we did wrong. NOT! You must remember, that your mate has free will. Satan will use what he can and WHO he can to destroy what God has built up. In this case, he used me to help destroy another woman’s family.
Now I am not saying Mark was totally blameless in that situation, but what I am saying is that when we allow a evil spirit to come into our lives, and in this case the particular spirit or sin that I am referring to is selfishness, we not only go against what God wants for us but we also open ourselves up to be used by the evil one.
They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires. 2 Timothy 3:6
Sound familiar ladies? That was me. A weak-willed woman who was swayed by my own evil desires. I had not come to know what it was to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
Now I will look at this from another perspective. You see, Mark’s wife Tina was not a Godly woman either. I knew this from our years of friendship. She had done some things she knew were morally wrong, (slept with Mark before they were married and got pregnant on purpose so that he would marry her). Hmmmm!
Now I am not trying to justify what I did, but what I am saying is that we as women must present ourselves properly in the sight of God. What this woman did was wrong! She slept with this man and then tricked him into marrying her. This was not a marriage that was based on love. It was a marriage based on a man’s desire to do what was right.
He had come to resent his marriage because he felt as though he had been trapped into a marriage he wasn’t ready for and he was right. He rebelled against his wife and their marriage. He went outside of his marriage because he knew that is was not about being in love with her. I am not saying that there was no love in the beginning, but love can and did turn against their union.
I know too many women out there who play this very dangerous game. Ladies, we cannot and should not ever feel like we have to trap a man into marrying us. The marriage won’t work. No matter how much he loves you, he will come to resent what has happened to him.
When you truly love someone, you must allow that person to love you back freely. A man has to marry you of his own free will. If he does not want to marry you because he loves you for you and not because of an obligation to you, then you need to let him go. You cannot make someone love you if the love is not already there. He will come to resent it!
Sleeping with a man before marriage is also morally wrong. In today’s society we are taught to believe that it is okay to sample the goods before marriage. That it is okay to have sex before marriage to show how much we love someone. That there is nothing wrong in expressing our love for someone through the physical act of lovemaking. We make excuses for this behavior by using sex as a tool to trap, entice, seduce, convince, or manipulate the men in our lives by using our bodies to show them or convince them how much we care for them.
The man who I became involved with was taboo for two very important reasons. The first reason was I worked for him and the second reason, was his wife Tina and I were friends. Ladies, how many of you have found yourself so lost in your own selfishness that you couldn’t see what you were doing to others around you? Here I am eighteen years old, thinking I know everything, and only caring about what I want.
You see Mark was everything I thought I wanted in a man at that time. He was good looking, sophisticated (at least through my young eyes), financially independent, and most of all, forbidden fruit. It didn’t matter he was married and had a young daughter. I was selfish enough not to care. It didn’t matter that his wife knew about me sleeping with her husband and asked me to stop seeing him. Selfishly, what I wanted was more important than what I did to destroy her family.
An unfriendly man pursues selfish ends; he defies all sound judgment.
Proverbs 18:1
I knew what I was doing was very wrong. I didn’t care. I allowed the enemy to take my unhappiness and displeasure with my own life and turn it into a weapon against not only myself but against innocent people around me. I had no sound judgment.
She is what she believes to be, the perfect wife and mother. She caters to his every whim. She does the cooking and cleaning. She takes care of the children, and is there for his physical pleasure. So when she started receiving the phone calls, asking do you know where your husband is? The taunting voice, you thought he was working late last night, didn’t you? When she found her telephone number, She wondered, what did I do wrong? Is there something I didn’t do? Why am I not enough? Why is he in someone else’s arms?
Married ladies, it’s not always about you. We believe that if our husband has to find solace in another woman’s bed, it’s something we did wrong. NOT! You must remember, that your mate has free will. Satan will use what he can and WHO he can to destroy what God has built up. In this case, he used me to help destroy another woman’s family.
Now I am not saying Mark was totally blameless in that situation, but what I am saying is that when we allow a evil spirit to come into our lives, and in this case the particular spirit or sin that I am referring to is selfishness, we not only go against what God wants for us but we also open ourselves up to be used by the evil one.
They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires. 2 Timothy 3:6
Sound familiar ladies? That was me. A weak-willed woman who was swayed by my own evil desires. I had not come to know what it was to be filled with the Holy Spirit.
Now I will look at this from another perspective. You see, Mark’s wife Tina was not a Godly woman either. I knew this from our years of friendship. She had done some things she knew were morally wrong, (slept with Mark before they were married and got pregnant on purpose so that he would marry her). Hmmmm!
Now I am not trying to justify what I did, but what I am saying is that we as women must present ourselves properly in the sight of God. What this woman did was wrong! She slept with this man and then tricked him into marrying her. This was not a marriage that was based on love. It was a marriage based on a man’s desire to do what was right.
He had come to resent his marriage because he felt as though he had been trapped into a marriage he wasn’t ready for and he was right. He rebelled against his wife and their marriage. He went outside of his marriage because he knew that is was not about being in love with her. I am not saying that there was no love in the beginning, but love can and did turn against their union.
I know too many women out there who play this very dangerous game. Ladies, we cannot and should not ever feel like we have to trap a man into marrying us. The marriage won’t work. No matter how much he loves you, he will come to resent what has happened to him.
When you truly love someone, you must allow that person to love you back freely. A man has to marry you of his own free will. If he does not want to marry you because he loves you for you and not because of an obligation to you, then you need to let him go. You cannot make someone love you if the love is not already there. He will come to resent it!
Sleeping with a man before marriage is also morally wrong. In today’s society we are taught to believe that it is okay to sample the goods before marriage. That it is okay to have sex before marriage to show how much we love someone. That there is nothing wrong in expressing our love for someone through the physical act of lovemaking. We make excuses for this behavior by using sex as a tool to trap, entice, seduce, convince, or manipulate the men in our lives by using our bodies to show them or convince them how much we care for them.
