Sunday, May 07, 2006
My Other Sister
My Other Sister
As I mentioned earlier, I have three sisters. Theresa and Denise I have already introduced you to. That leaves my other sister, Nita. Nita will be the hardest sister to write about for a number of reasons. One, because she is the sister closest in age and because of our relationship. You see, not only is she my sister, I can truly say she is also my best friend. Two, because even as close as she and I are there are many things about this sister I really don’t know. Nita and I were never really close growing up.
She has always been what I wasn’t. Feisty, outgoing, stubborn, and willing to fight for whatever she believed in. Growing up and even now, some people would consider Nita to be mean. Our sister Denise, nicknamed her Evillene, the wicked witch from the musical the “Wiz”. One of the most popular stories circulating in our family is how she bit a plug out of my brothers behind when she was two because he tried to block the door she was trying to get out of. Or the time she took a hot iron and placed it on his behind to see if it would hurt. Nita doesn’t have very many close friends. Sound harsh? Let me explain.
You see, Nita doesn’t allow very many people to get close to her. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t know people, but it takes a lot for her to trust you enough to let you into her world. Once she has let you in though, you won’t find a more giving, thoughtful, loving person than my sister. As I had mentioned earlier, growing up Nita and Theresa shared a room. What I didn’t mention is that they fought each other every single day. I can’t remember a day going by that there wasn’t some sort of altercation between the two of them. The littlest incident would set them off. To make matters worse, Nita was a neat freak and Theresa was a total slob. (Sorry Theresa, but you were).
Even though Nita and Theresa where always at odds with one another, no one and I do mean no one was ever allowed to pick on these sisters. Nita was the older of the two but you would never know it by looking at her. Nita only stood 5 feet 1 inches tall while Theresa was a whopping 5 feet 6 inches tall. Nita was lucky if she weighed 90lbs. During high school I know Theresa weighed at least 125. (I won’t go any higher because she is still bigger than me and might hurt me).
Theresa always had a mature deep voice. Nita’s voice, well her nickname in high school was “Squeaky”. I’m sure you get the picture. Anyhow, as I was saying, Nita and Theresa fought each other everyday, but whoa be the fool who dared confront one or both sisters with a threat of physical altercation. You would be in for a beat down that would usually be led by Nita. Nita was a strong believer of sticking together as a family. Her philosophy was she could fight her sisters but nobody else better try. She was and is one of the most loyal people you will ever meet.
I remember when I was in senior high school and Nita was in junior high school, my last class of the day was in a portable classroom behind the main school building. The junior high school that Nita attended was right behind the high school. Every Friday and sometimes other days of the week as well, someone would come into the class and say, “Jackie” your sister Nita is outside fighting again. Nita would never run from a fight and often time instigated the ensuing fight. It seemed that Nita was always fighting someone. She and her best friend Elizabeth, who happened to be my best friend Donna’s younger sister, were always in trouble together.
It didn’t matter if they were bigger than Nita or if they were male or female. She was not going to be the one to back down. I asked her Nita why she fought so much growing up and her response was that because she was so little and had a soft voice, people thought she was an easy target. She had to prove them wrong. By the time she had gotten to high school, she no longer had to prove she would fight. Her reputation preceded her. Now she only had to fight in defense of her sisters. But that is another story.
Other than her numerous fights, Nita never gave my mother a hard time. When she entered high school as a freshman, I was a junior and my brother a senior. I was still into skipping class and getting high. She would never do anything like that. Oh, did I mention that she was extremely smart? Nita skipped the second grade and graduated from high school when she was sixteen.
All of her high school classes were advanced classes and she was very active in various school activities. Including pep squad, pom-pom team, and holding various offices. She also dated the same guy all of her four years of high school. Ronald M. Ronald was Nita’s first love. He complimented her in every respect. They had most of the same classes and usually studied together. He played football, she was on the pep squad. He played in the band, she was a pom pom girl. They both loved to dance and attended all of the school dances together. Even the fellas that he hung out with dated the girls she hung out with. Ronald really brought out the best in my sister.
Ronald and Nita went on like this until their senior year in high school. Although Nita says that there was no particular reason that they broke up, I believe his parents felt that he was taking his relationship with Nita too seriously and encouraged him to date other girls. I also believe that his brother Mike, who happened to be a playa-playa had finally gotten to him as well. One other significant thing happened to Nita during this time too. She became pregnant her senior year in high school.
She came to me and told me what had happened and I gave her the money for an abortion. I took her to get it as well. I don’t remember very much about what happened after that, but I do know that her life was never to be the same again. You see, Nita was my mother’s favorite child. She knew it, I knew it and my mother knew it. I even asked my mother about it. My mother in all her wonderful wisdom replied “ I love all of my children equally. I just love them all in a different way. According to what their needs are.” She went on further to say, Nita needed my mother to show her how much she was loved by my mother more than I did. I never really knew just what my mother meant until I become a mother myself.
My mother was devastated by Nita’s pregnancy. She was deeply hurt. You see Nita was a child of her heart. Her father was my mother’s first real love. We never knew the circumstances of their relationship but we knew that my mother was crazy about “Bone-crusher” as he was called. Bone-crusher wound up in prison for reasons unknown to us and he and Nita never had an opportunity to meet. I believe this has had a long lasting affect on my sister that she will never admit to. Again, I was being a big sister who was not setting a good example. I stepped in and did something that I had no business doing. I should have let my mother handle the situation as she saw fit. I had no right and no business to do what I did.
My mother confronted me about Nita’s situation and I couldn’t give her the answers she wanted. In her frustration she punched me in my mouth and told me to move out of her house. I initially thought that she was taking her anger with Nita out on me. But I now realize she was taking her anger with me out on me. Everything that I had done up until this point paled in comparison to this. She felt she was losing control of her daughters and it was my entire fault. To a great extent, it was. I was not their mother and to an even greater extend I wasn’t even a good sister.
Romans 6:21
What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!
The relationship between Nita and my mother would eventually heal. And even the relationship between my mother and I would also ultimately be repaired. But the one thing that would not was Nita’s body. When she was eighteen years old Nita started having problems. She had to have a partial hysterectomy. One of her tubes and her ovaries were removed. She was left with one partially functioning ovarian tube. As a result of this operation, my sister would never have children of her own.
Even though we have never spoken about it, it is very probable that this was caused by her abortion. Nita has never blamed me, but I blame myself. If I had never stepped in where I shouldn’t have this may not have happened. The only thing that I can do is to ask God and my sister for forgiveness.
Nita went on to have a good senior year and graduate with honors. She was the youngest graduate in her class. She even went on to college. As a matter of fact, Nita is the only one of her five siblings to graduate from college. She has a great corporate position with a major retailer and even had an opportunity to be a mother and help raise her two stepsons.My one concern about my sister is that she is not growing in her faith.
You see Nita is a believer. She belongs to a church and even attends on occasion. But like so many workingwomen today, she has neglected her relationship with God.Grant it, her job does impede her ability to attend church services every Sunday and she does now currently reside in a city outside of the state. Her family is still here in the city and on the weekends that she is off she commutes home to spend time with them. But I also believe that she could try a little harder to work on her faith.
When she reads this she will be upset with me, because she will be the first to say, I haven’t always been in close relationship with the Lord. Grant it I haven’t. There are still times that I fall away when I shouldn’t. But the difference is I still keep trying to get right with God. No I don’t consider myself holier than though, but I also realize that I am a sinner in need of God’s grace and mercy. Donnie McClurkin says it best “A saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up.” Being a good and faithful Christian means trying to get in right relationship with God.1
Timothy 1:16
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.
As I mentioned earlier, I have three sisters. Theresa and Denise I have already introduced you to. That leaves my other sister, Nita. Nita will be the hardest sister to write about for a number of reasons. One, because she is the sister closest in age and because of our relationship. You see, not only is she my sister, I can truly say she is also my best friend. Two, because even as close as she and I are there are many things about this sister I really don’t know. Nita and I were never really close growing up.
She has always been what I wasn’t. Feisty, outgoing, stubborn, and willing to fight for whatever she believed in. Growing up and even now, some people would consider Nita to be mean. Our sister Denise, nicknamed her Evillene, the wicked witch from the musical the “Wiz”. One of the most popular stories circulating in our family is how she bit a plug out of my brothers behind when she was two because he tried to block the door she was trying to get out of. Or the time she took a hot iron and placed it on his behind to see if it would hurt. Nita doesn’t have very many close friends. Sound harsh? Let me explain.
You see, Nita doesn’t allow very many people to get close to her. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t know people, but it takes a lot for her to trust you enough to let you into her world. Once she has let you in though, you won’t find a more giving, thoughtful, loving person than my sister. As I had mentioned earlier, growing up Nita and Theresa shared a room. What I didn’t mention is that they fought each other every single day. I can’t remember a day going by that there wasn’t some sort of altercation between the two of them. The littlest incident would set them off. To make matters worse, Nita was a neat freak and Theresa was a total slob. (Sorry Theresa, but you were).
Even though Nita and Theresa where always at odds with one another, no one and I do mean no one was ever allowed to pick on these sisters. Nita was the older of the two but you would never know it by looking at her. Nita only stood 5 feet 1 inches tall while Theresa was a whopping 5 feet 6 inches tall. Nita was lucky if she weighed 90lbs. During high school I know Theresa weighed at least 125. (I won’t go any higher because she is still bigger than me and might hurt me).
Theresa always had a mature deep voice. Nita’s voice, well her nickname in high school was “Squeaky”. I’m sure you get the picture. Anyhow, as I was saying, Nita and Theresa fought each other everyday, but whoa be the fool who dared confront one or both sisters with a threat of physical altercation. You would be in for a beat down that would usually be led by Nita. Nita was a strong believer of sticking together as a family. Her philosophy was she could fight her sisters but nobody else better try. She was and is one of the most loyal people you will ever meet.
I remember when I was in senior high school and Nita was in junior high school, my last class of the day was in a portable classroom behind the main school building. The junior high school that Nita attended was right behind the high school. Every Friday and sometimes other days of the week as well, someone would come into the class and say, “Jackie” your sister Nita is outside fighting again. Nita would never run from a fight and often time instigated the ensuing fight. It seemed that Nita was always fighting someone. She and her best friend Elizabeth, who happened to be my best friend Donna’s younger sister, were always in trouble together.
It didn’t matter if they were bigger than Nita or if they were male or female. She was not going to be the one to back down. I asked her Nita why she fought so much growing up and her response was that because she was so little and had a soft voice, people thought she was an easy target. She had to prove them wrong. By the time she had gotten to high school, she no longer had to prove she would fight. Her reputation preceded her. Now she only had to fight in defense of her sisters. But that is another story.
Other than her numerous fights, Nita never gave my mother a hard time. When she entered high school as a freshman, I was a junior and my brother a senior. I was still into skipping class and getting high. She would never do anything like that. Oh, did I mention that she was extremely smart? Nita skipped the second grade and graduated from high school when she was sixteen.
All of her high school classes were advanced classes and she was very active in various school activities. Including pep squad, pom-pom team, and holding various offices. She also dated the same guy all of her four years of high school. Ronald M. Ronald was Nita’s first love. He complimented her in every respect. They had most of the same classes and usually studied together. He played football, she was on the pep squad. He played in the band, she was a pom pom girl. They both loved to dance and attended all of the school dances together. Even the fellas that he hung out with dated the girls she hung out with. Ronald really brought out the best in my sister.
Ronald and Nita went on like this until their senior year in high school. Although Nita says that there was no particular reason that they broke up, I believe his parents felt that he was taking his relationship with Nita too seriously and encouraged him to date other girls. I also believe that his brother Mike, who happened to be a playa-playa had finally gotten to him as well. One other significant thing happened to Nita during this time too. She became pregnant her senior year in high school.
She came to me and told me what had happened and I gave her the money for an abortion. I took her to get it as well. I don’t remember very much about what happened after that, but I do know that her life was never to be the same again. You see, Nita was my mother’s favorite child. She knew it, I knew it and my mother knew it. I even asked my mother about it. My mother in all her wonderful wisdom replied “ I love all of my children equally. I just love them all in a different way. According to what their needs are.” She went on further to say, Nita needed my mother to show her how much she was loved by my mother more than I did. I never really knew just what my mother meant until I become a mother myself.
My mother was devastated by Nita’s pregnancy. She was deeply hurt. You see Nita was a child of her heart. Her father was my mother’s first real love. We never knew the circumstances of their relationship but we knew that my mother was crazy about “Bone-crusher” as he was called. Bone-crusher wound up in prison for reasons unknown to us and he and Nita never had an opportunity to meet. I believe this has had a long lasting affect on my sister that she will never admit to. Again, I was being a big sister who was not setting a good example. I stepped in and did something that I had no business doing. I should have let my mother handle the situation as she saw fit. I had no right and no business to do what I did.
My mother confronted me about Nita’s situation and I couldn’t give her the answers she wanted. In her frustration she punched me in my mouth and told me to move out of her house. I initially thought that she was taking her anger with Nita out on me. But I now realize she was taking her anger with me out on me. Everything that I had done up until this point paled in comparison to this. She felt she was losing control of her daughters and it was my entire fault. To a great extent, it was. I was not their mother and to an even greater extend I wasn’t even a good sister.
Romans 6:21
What benefit did you reap at that time from the things you are now ashamed of? Those things result in death!
The relationship between Nita and my mother would eventually heal. And even the relationship between my mother and I would also ultimately be repaired. But the one thing that would not was Nita’s body. When she was eighteen years old Nita started having problems. She had to have a partial hysterectomy. One of her tubes and her ovaries were removed. She was left with one partially functioning ovarian tube. As a result of this operation, my sister would never have children of her own.
Even though we have never spoken about it, it is very probable that this was caused by her abortion. Nita has never blamed me, but I blame myself. If I had never stepped in where I shouldn’t have this may not have happened. The only thing that I can do is to ask God and my sister for forgiveness.
Nita went on to have a good senior year and graduate with honors. She was the youngest graduate in her class. She even went on to college. As a matter of fact, Nita is the only one of her five siblings to graduate from college. She has a great corporate position with a major retailer and even had an opportunity to be a mother and help raise her two stepsons.My one concern about my sister is that she is not growing in her faith.
You see Nita is a believer. She belongs to a church and even attends on occasion. But like so many workingwomen today, she has neglected her relationship with God.Grant it, her job does impede her ability to attend church services every Sunday and she does now currently reside in a city outside of the state. Her family is still here in the city and on the weekends that she is off she commutes home to spend time with them. But I also believe that she could try a little harder to work on her faith.
When she reads this she will be upset with me, because she will be the first to say, I haven’t always been in close relationship with the Lord. Grant it I haven’t. There are still times that I fall away when I shouldn’t. But the difference is I still keep trying to get right with God. No I don’t consider myself holier than though, but I also realize that I am a sinner in need of God’s grace and mercy. Donnie McClurkin says it best “A saint is just a sinner who fell down and got up.” Being a good and faithful Christian means trying to get in right relationship with God.1
Timothy 1:16
But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life.
